Are there just pre-determined days when you are going to feel like shit about everything? Must be. Must be that today is one of them.

I wish I had a friend that I could go to, that I could tell things to without feeling badly about them. Incidentally this person does not exist. When I got of the phone with E I just sat there. Thinking about how I wish that I could call someone else. To not sit there by myself thinking about how things are ending before my eyes and I cannot stop them. When E and I got together I couldn't have been happier. There was a kind of giddy euphoria attached to him that maniacally wouldn't stop. Every tie in my life was wrapped securely to him, my saviour from grief. Then, as most pedestals do, the structure I had built our relationship on crumbled. He became a real person with extremely real faults and problems, and my issues got to him too. He left me, we got back together, I left him and we've been dancing about getting back together for a year now. He says he just wants to be with me. Going to Ireland for an undetermined amount of time isn't the best way to go about doing that. I know he needs to go. In so many ways it will make him a better person. I just wish it didn't have to affect me so deeply.

I am tired of boys.