Ugh. I'm pissed about three million different things. I'm stuck in such a rut. Staying home the last few days has really illuminated that for me. Really, I've been trying some new things, but everything is so expensive. I need a job. I've been trying to lose weight, but apparently, my efforts are in vain. My weight hasn't budged. Not even a pound. I need to see a personal trainer for a few weeks to get back on track. I need a job. I'm bored with life, that's why I cause so much trouble for myself. I need a job. I need some new people to get out and do stuff with. I need a job. Really, I need a job.
Last night D told me that he's bored with his life. That he isn't happy with anything he does. He's afraid that he'll spend the rest of his life in a cubicle, and that it'll kill him. He even talked about missing the military. Scares the fuck out of me. He's the type that needs something more, he needs to be outside, doing something exciting. I've watched him get more and more bored with things over the last year or so. Now he's depressed.
It is funny. We live in one of the most beautiful places in the world. One of the healthiest cities in the US. Both of us are not living to the potential that we have. We're an above average, attractive couple... Who has grown dimly depressed about life. We've both gained some weight, and our eyes are showing the listless glare of mediocrity. I'm starting to feel helpless, and so is he. The despair of the adventure being gone from our lives has attached to us both like a leech. It scares me. We're way better than this, and it seems to be strangling our relationship.
We need an adventure from reality and quick. I'm not sure what we're going to do, but life can't continue this way. It is only the beginning of the semester and we're both rattling in our cages like rabid monkeys. We bought camping equipment because camping makes us both feel freer. However, there's the nasty winter-thing raging on in the mountains right now.
Somehow, I'm going to figure this out, there's gotta be a way to pull us both out of this slump before it takes over our lives. I want to see my badass skydiving, underwater freak of a boyfriend again. I want to smile huge smiles when he drives too fast on mountain roads, not white-knuckle the door. There must be a way to do this without draining our bank accounts. If anyone can figure this out, I can.
Last night D told me that he's bored with his life. That he isn't happy with anything he does. He's afraid that he'll spend the rest of his life in a cubicle, and that it'll kill him. He even talked about missing the military. Scares the fuck out of me. He's the type that needs something more, he needs to be outside, doing something exciting. I've watched him get more and more bored with things over the last year or so. Now he's depressed.
It is funny. We live in one of the most beautiful places in the world. One of the healthiest cities in the US. Both of us are not living to the potential that we have. We're an above average, attractive couple... Who has grown dimly depressed about life. We've both gained some weight, and our eyes are showing the listless glare of mediocrity. I'm starting to feel helpless, and so is he. The despair of the adventure being gone from our lives has attached to us both like a leech. It scares me. We're way better than this, and it seems to be strangling our relationship.
We need an adventure from reality and quick. I'm not sure what we're going to do, but life can't continue this way. It is only the beginning of the semester and we're both rattling in our cages like rabid monkeys. We bought camping equipment because camping makes us both feel freer. However, there's the nasty winter-thing raging on in the mountains right now.
Somehow, I'm going to figure this out, there's gotta be a way to pull us both out of this slump before it takes over our lives. I want to see my badass skydiving, underwater freak of a boyfriend again. I want to smile huge smiles when he drives too fast on mountain roads, not white-knuckle the door. There must be a way to do this without draining our bank accounts. If anyone can figure this out, I can.
2 Comments:
D is a licensed diver (sky and scuba) so he asked me if I would do one or the other with him. I picked scuba. It, like biking, is ridiculously expensive. Seems like it'll be fun though. We started on this a while ago, it just costs so much, we both need something to do in the meantime. Biking would be great out here, both our knees are destroyed though. His from years of skydiving, mine from years of cheerleading. Who's the wuss? Oh right, me.
Also, I laughed my ass off about the heroin... D said the EXACT same thing the other day...
"We could just start doing heroin... That'd be an adventure."
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