Ever heard "Don't bite the hand that feeds you"?

That pretty much sums up what E and his female counterpart are doing to someone I don't particularly care for, but still doesn't deserve the treatment he's getting right now.

For a long time I thought that, E just didn't understand the state I was in when my I made my attempt two years ago. I thought that he didn't get that all the psychological shit he put me through with the Anorexic Whore-Slut made me even more vulnerable to the fact that I was refusing medication, cutting myself, and pretty much trying any way I could to destroy my body and mind. I thought he just didn't get it. Like he was just blind to all the pain I was in. Through his recent actions, I see more clearly, he wasn't blind; he was simply cruel and uncaring. I never thought that the person I loved so much was so capable of such unadulterated meanness. I suppose I didn't want to see it.


I won't say more than that. I've only told a couple people what I know, and I only did that because I am so disturbed by E’s actions, I needed to talk to someone. The person who stands to get hurt the most by this might come across this; I just don't want him to be injured more than he needs to. The situation cannot end well. I simply wouldn't be a participant.

This all got me to thinking about words, about how words are completely arbitrary. They mean nothing, except for what we put behind them. And if what we put behind them is contrary to what we think they mean... Well, that's when people get hurt. Words mean so much to me, they're what I've chosen to base my life around. Words that stir our emotions make us feel something. But words have been my enemy too. I've lied to people, I've twisted my own words into something false and ugly, I don't like who that made me. I'm done with those times, I'm done with lying. Because seeing it work in such disgusting ways in others makes me never want to be associated with that kind of corruption.