I feel absolutely ill. I want to vomit I hate this feeling so, so much. I just took E to the airport. I have that almost comical, sick hollow in my chest. I want to laugh so badly to release the tension in my body but it just won't come. I can't cry either for some reason, and all the intensity of what I'm feeling is making me nauseated. So badly I just want to be able to say to him "I can't do this anymore honey, I love you, but this just isn't right for me." Over and over I tried, but I can't push the words from my throat to my tongue. I look in his beautiful blue eyes and see that perfect white-toothed smile, he looks like some sort of movie star. His hands touch my face and he says in that charmingly accented voice "Baby, I miss you already." Then he hugs me and he smells so good and his arms are warm and comforting, and I fit perfectly inside them, and I just can't say anything but "I love you"