I was going to blog today about how it smells like summer outside. About how when I woke up a breeze blew in the room and I looked at D smiling and said "Smell that?" and he hugged me saying "Summer's here!" like a little kid. I was going to blog about how pleasant that all is. However, I came home, stuck a lovely egg casserole in the oven and checked my daily reads... I found quite a lovely debate going on about child rearing, to which I have some very strong responses... So no post about summer and breezes...
It all started here with Brandy's post about "Late Night Shopping". Here's her bit about kids...
We went to the grocery store at about 10:30pm. I have really never shopped that late before. The store we went to was pretty busy. It took us about an hour, as we were leaving I noticed people were still going in, however I noticed a certain thing. Most of these people had kids with them. I'm talking young kids 5 or 6. I'm thinking don't these kids have bed times? When I was that young I know I had a bed time and I had to stick by it. I remember begging my Mom to let me stay up and read, or play, but I never ever remember being at the grocery store that late. What happened to structure?
For anyone who doesn't know, Brandy doesn't have children. I commented thusly...
Things like that make me a bit ill… D and I were out a couple of nights ago for dinner. This kid started screeching repeatedly, and I mean in a glass shattering kind of way. The parents did nothing. He and I looked at each other amazed, agreeing that had either one of us acted like that as a child we would have been reprimanded immediately, probably slapped or exiled to the car. These days, that's child abuse.
Last night we went to see "Troy" (which was fun, mostly because of Brad Pitt's bare rear!) and there were kids there with their parents. Not only was this kind of shocking in itself since "Troy" isn't exactly a kids movie, but we also went to the 9 o'clock showing. I guess if you can't get a sitter take your children to a violent, sexually explicit movie.
I swear, if I were able to have kids they'd grow up in an awfully sheltered environment… They'd probably hate me… And y'know what? That'd be ok. BECAUSE I'D BE THE ADULT.
Right now, I'm gonna say that my response was a bit harsher than I meant for it to be, and doesn't represent the whole of how I feel about things. Don't worry, I'm going to represent the whole for a good long while here... Just for fun.
Over at Mental Laundry the conversation went on (See post entitled "Fucking Kids)...
Now here's the deal folks, straight from me, I don't have kids. I have been STRONGLY cautioned by all my doctors not to attempt to have children because of the difficulties conceiving a child under my medication. This is something that at times breaks my heart. You may read this and think "She's so young, why is she worrying about this." or that perhaps there is another way. For me there isn't. I cannot stay on my medication while pregnant, it would cause severe birth defects. I have been told that under the stress of pregnancy, unmedicated the likelihood of my being hospitalized (AS IN A STATE MENTAL WARD) is almost guaranteed. Then there's the three to four months after the baby is born where I could potentially have to stay in the mental ward until I'm stable on medication. This all sounds horrific to me. But it would be the safest way for me to have a child. Perhaps this makes me a weakling, but coupled with the fact that I'll probably pass on my mental illness to my child or its children, I think that I'm going to have to say no to the whole experience. That said, bottom line, there are probably no little Etoiles in my future.
While I do not have and will not have children I am still a part of a society that includes them. I watched my mother raise me and my sister (who has Down Syndrome) almost alone. My father is a very "traditional" man and wasn't participant in the least raising us. So perhaps I don't know anything personally about single motherhood, but I can say that I do know something about a strong woman raising two very difficult children on her own. I believe I am, as everyone is, entitled to my opinion...
Which is...
There is so much going on in the world today, and especially in America it seems that many parents indulge their children to the point where we have public service announcements that deal with how parents can say "no" to their kids, or how they can prepare for a child's tantrum when they're told they can't smoke pot anymore. I grew up in the suburbs a veritable breeding ground for small children. I watched as parents used their children as tools to further their own image, not as small lives individual of their own. Its true, as busy as we all are kids cannot keep "bedtimes" as easily as when we are children. Dinners out are easier than dinners at home for tired parents. If I had children things would be no different for me. My point in Brandy's comments was not "People who take their children out late, or don't control them in public are bad parents" though I can see why it might be construed that way. My point is that were I a parent, when or where I take my children would not be relevant. The point is that it makes me sick to see parents so passive to their children's behavior. The child screaming in the restaurant was being utterly ignored by his parents. Obviously the kid NEEDED something. Perhaps attention. Kids I see in R rated movies, late at night don't look like they want to be there, they look like they want to be seeing Shrek 2 not Troy. I see parents acting like they are children themselves, with no regard to the fact that they are not equals with their child. They are ADULTS.
Now, its probably going to piss some people off that I have the nerve to even comment on this "since I don't have kids". You're right. I don't. I won't. I can't. I'm sorry. I won't get to know what its like to want to tear my children's eyes out when they're ridiculously stubborn, and I won't get to know what its like to see them do the thousands of things that kids do that are wonderful and precious. This, in my opinion, opens my eyes more to the fact that I'd like to be a parent. When I see people wasting their opportunity to really be a part of their kids' lives it makes me sad. So, yup, I'm an eyeroller, I get sick of being places where children are acting like children sometimes. But the thing that is usually bugging me the most is not the mom at the grocery store desperately trying to get her two year old to stop throwing the cereal out of the cart, or the frazzled parents at a restaurant just trying to get through dinner with their three young boys... Its the parents ordering more margaritas oblivious to the fact that their little one is shrieking his head off tugging on his dad's arm, and he's just been trying to tell him for the past fifteen minutes about the picture that he's colored, again completely ignored... No wonder the damn kid is screaming.
So comment away, or feel free to think that I am judgemental. I don't want to get into a heated debate on politics or raising children, and lets not even go near religion... This is simply my feeling on the matter. I'll go back to my usual narcissistic updates on my own personal bubble now... Enough of the "opinions".
I respect you all...
It all started here with Brandy's post about "Late Night Shopping". Here's her bit about kids...
We went to the grocery store at about 10:30pm. I have really never shopped that late before. The store we went to was pretty busy. It took us about an hour, as we were leaving I noticed people were still going in, however I noticed a certain thing. Most of these people had kids with them. I'm talking young kids 5 or 6. I'm thinking don't these kids have bed times? When I was that young I know I had a bed time and I had to stick by it. I remember begging my Mom to let me stay up and read, or play, but I never ever remember being at the grocery store that late. What happened to structure?
For anyone who doesn't know, Brandy doesn't have children. I commented thusly...
Things like that make me a bit ill… D and I were out a couple of nights ago for dinner. This kid started screeching repeatedly, and I mean in a glass shattering kind of way. The parents did nothing. He and I looked at each other amazed, agreeing that had either one of us acted like that as a child we would have been reprimanded immediately, probably slapped or exiled to the car. These days, that's child abuse.
Last night we went to see "Troy" (which was fun, mostly because of Brad Pitt's bare rear!) and there were kids there with their parents. Not only was this kind of shocking in itself since "Troy" isn't exactly a kids movie, but we also went to the 9 o'clock showing. I guess if you can't get a sitter take your children to a violent, sexually explicit movie.
I swear, if I were able to have kids they'd grow up in an awfully sheltered environment… They'd probably hate me… And y'know what? That'd be ok. BECAUSE I'D BE THE ADULT.
Right now, I'm gonna say that my response was a bit harsher than I meant for it to be, and doesn't represent the whole of how I feel about things. Don't worry, I'm going to represent the whole for a good long while here... Just for fun.
Over at Mental Laundry the conversation went on (See post entitled "Fucking Kids)...
Now here's the deal folks, straight from me, I don't have kids. I have been STRONGLY cautioned by all my doctors not to attempt to have children because of the difficulties conceiving a child under my medication. This is something that at times breaks my heart. You may read this and think "She's so young, why is she worrying about this." or that perhaps there is another way. For me there isn't. I cannot stay on my medication while pregnant, it would cause severe birth defects. I have been told that under the stress of pregnancy, unmedicated the likelihood of my being hospitalized (AS IN A STATE MENTAL WARD) is almost guaranteed. Then there's the three to four months after the baby is born where I could potentially have to stay in the mental ward until I'm stable on medication. This all sounds horrific to me. But it would be the safest way for me to have a child. Perhaps this makes me a weakling, but coupled with the fact that I'll probably pass on my mental illness to my child or its children, I think that I'm going to have to say no to the whole experience. That said, bottom line, there are probably no little Etoiles in my future.
While I do not have and will not have children I am still a part of a society that includes them. I watched my mother raise me and my sister (who has Down Syndrome) almost alone. My father is a very "traditional" man and wasn't participant in the least raising us. So perhaps I don't know anything personally about single motherhood, but I can say that I do know something about a strong woman raising two very difficult children on her own. I believe I am, as everyone is, entitled to my opinion...
Which is...
There is so much going on in the world today, and especially in America it seems that many parents indulge their children to the point where we have public service announcements that deal with how parents can say "no" to their kids, or how they can prepare for a child's tantrum when they're told they can't smoke pot anymore. I grew up in the suburbs a veritable breeding ground for small children. I watched as parents used their children as tools to further their own image, not as small lives individual of their own. Its true, as busy as we all are kids cannot keep "bedtimes" as easily as when we are children. Dinners out are easier than dinners at home for tired parents. If I had children things would be no different for me. My point in Brandy's comments was not "People who take their children out late, or don't control them in public are bad parents" though I can see why it might be construed that way. My point is that were I a parent, when or where I take my children would not be relevant. The point is that it makes me sick to see parents so passive to their children's behavior. The child screaming in the restaurant was being utterly ignored by his parents. Obviously the kid NEEDED something. Perhaps attention. Kids I see in R rated movies, late at night don't look like they want to be there, they look like they want to be seeing Shrek 2 not Troy. I see parents acting like they are children themselves, with no regard to the fact that they are not equals with their child. They are ADULTS.
Now, its probably going to piss some people off that I have the nerve to even comment on this "since I don't have kids". You're right. I don't. I won't. I can't. I'm sorry. I won't get to know what its like to want to tear my children's eyes out when they're ridiculously stubborn, and I won't get to know what its like to see them do the thousands of things that kids do that are wonderful and precious. This, in my opinion, opens my eyes more to the fact that I'd like to be a parent. When I see people wasting their opportunity to really be a part of their kids' lives it makes me sad. So, yup, I'm an eyeroller, I get sick of being places where children are acting like children sometimes. But the thing that is usually bugging me the most is not the mom at the grocery store desperately trying to get her two year old to stop throwing the cereal out of the cart, or the frazzled parents at a restaurant just trying to get through dinner with their three young boys... Its the parents ordering more margaritas oblivious to the fact that their little one is shrieking his head off tugging on his dad's arm, and he's just been trying to tell him for the past fifteen minutes about the picture that he's colored, again completely ignored... No wonder the damn kid is screaming.
So comment away, or feel free to think that I am judgemental. I don't want to get into a heated debate on politics or raising children, and lets not even go near religion... This is simply my feeling on the matter. I'll go back to my usual narcissistic updates on my own personal bubble now... Enough of the "opinions".
I respect you all...
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