I had the longest most meaningful post last night that I lost... I cried, because things have happened that I wanted to share... Now I have no time to tell you what it meant or what I said, besides this:

My heart is torn into a million pieces and scattered beyond where I can see anymore. I have not the energy nor the means to look for them anymore. The gaping cavity in my chest must remain open for now as I wander lost through the world looking for something without direction. Going through the motions without a plan. My hair hangs matted at my back and my fingernails scratch into my skin. The world is bright and grey at the same time, and I wonder constantly how everything gets done. The constant throbbing at the pit of my stomach is my guide now. Anxiety for the next moment shows me where to go. It isn't as bad as it sounds.