I'm back. The computer is still set up on the fucking floor and my knee feels like someone's been slamming it with a sledgehammer for three days straight so I'm not sure how long this'll be.
E and I hung out last night. It was so much fun. He is fun. I haven't felt that comfortable around anyone in a long time. It is just so easy to be around each other. We make each other laugh so easily and its like he's somebody new, and somebody old at the same time. He's grown up a lot. There's a seriousness about him that I don't remember. But when we were out drinking, he lit my cigarette and our eyes met. I swear to God his eyes actually sparkle sometimes they're so gorgeous, and he flashed that smile at me... For half a second I remembered what that all felt like, for us to be in love. It was pretty great. In the end though, it just felt cool to hang out together and not fight, to just be us. E has that way of making me (and everyone around him) feel like they're a part of the cool crowd, like something special is going on. I remembered last night that was what made OUR relationship feel so special, what made ME feel so special. It was like I was finally on the inside of something, that's what got me in trouble with things like partying too much and drugs too... But it seriously seems like he's through with that too... I don't know. I'm not trying to justify "him and me" or "us"... It was just an experience I'm glad I got to have, I'm glad he and I can hang out.
I did feel a little guilty when we kissed. Not much though.
Ok.. The floor sucks ass... I have to buy a new desk... SOON. Great, just something else to drag around. That's how I got hurt in the first place. My knee got hurt pretty badly during the move. Perhaps Mama and me doing a sizeable portion of it by ourselves wasn't the best thing. Eh, it was unavoidable, most of the help that I thought I had lined up ended up falling through anyway. My biggest worry now is the insanely gross noise that my doctor warned me two years ago that my knee should be prevented at all costs from ever making if I wanted to avoid the "knee-surgery" plan. Looks like physical therapy is in my near future... I just don't have the time. But I don't really have time for surgery either at this point.
E and I hung out last night. It was so much fun. He is fun. I haven't felt that comfortable around anyone in a long time. It is just so easy to be around each other. We make each other laugh so easily and its like he's somebody new, and somebody old at the same time. He's grown up a lot. There's a seriousness about him that I don't remember. But when we were out drinking, he lit my cigarette and our eyes met. I swear to God his eyes actually sparkle sometimes they're so gorgeous, and he flashed that smile at me... For half a second I remembered what that all felt like, for us to be in love. It was pretty great. In the end though, it just felt cool to hang out together and not fight, to just be us. E has that way of making me (and everyone around him) feel like they're a part of the cool crowd, like something special is going on. I remembered last night that was what made OUR relationship feel so special, what made ME feel so special. It was like I was finally on the inside of something, that's what got me in trouble with things like partying too much and drugs too... But it seriously seems like he's through with that too... I don't know. I'm not trying to justify "him and me" or "us"... It was just an experience I'm glad I got to have, I'm glad he and I can hang out.
I did feel a little guilty when we kissed. Not much though.
Ok.. The floor sucks ass... I have to buy a new desk... SOON. Great, just something else to drag around. That's how I got hurt in the first place. My knee got hurt pretty badly during the move. Perhaps Mama and me doing a sizeable portion of it by ourselves wasn't the best thing. Eh, it was unavoidable, most of the help that I thought I had lined up ended up falling through anyway. My biggest worry now is the insanely gross noise that my doctor warned me two years ago that my knee should be prevented at all costs from ever making if I wanted to avoid the "knee-surgery" plan. Looks like physical therapy is in my near future... I just don't have the time. But I don't really have time for surgery either at this point.
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