Are the moments where everything in your life changes tangible? Do you feel like you could reach out and touch them, hold onto them, perhaps seal them inside a box? I always feel these moments so acutely. They ache inside my chest, like I could somehow extract them and mold them into little pictures of how things could be.
The last few days I've felt things change in my life. It isn't that things are happening that are so different from the other days. It is that I feel different.
Last week I spent a lot of time with D. He was here overnight two nights in a row. I think we may have spent too much time together. Not in a bad way though. But last night he wasn't here. Apparently he didn't want to talk to me on the phone either. Because when I called, he didn't answer. He's mad that I saw E. We were on the phone together when I spotted him. I just know that has to do with what is wrong. That's ok. I'd be mad too. Even though nothing happened that was wrong...
I spent last night all by myself. I watched the episode of Las Vegas that I'd TiVo'd. Then I turned off the TV. It gets so quiet, being by myself, without the TV or radio on. I became uncomfortable with my own presence. But I stuck with it. For an hour I sat by myself. Just thinking. It was interesting, to say the least.
--
As a side note: I just got off the phone with D, he called in the middle of my last sentence. Apparently he "doesn't want to chat on the phone" with me. Oh. Ok. I mean I appreciate that he feels like he can say that or whatever, but OUCH.
--
Anyway, the point I've be trying to make in a rather long-ass, roundabout way is that I feel change in the air... Like life is about to be different somehow, I'm just not sure what it will be.
The last few days I've felt things change in my life. It isn't that things are happening that are so different from the other days. It is that I feel different.
Last week I spent a lot of time with D. He was here overnight two nights in a row. I think we may have spent too much time together. Not in a bad way though. But last night he wasn't here. Apparently he didn't want to talk to me on the phone either. Because when I called, he didn't answer. He's mad that I saw E. We were on the phone together when I spotted him. I just know that has to do with what is wrong. That's ok. I'd be mad too. Even though nothing happened that was wrong...
I spent last night all by myself. I watched the episode of Las Vegas that I'd TiVo'd. Then I turned off the TV. It gets so quiet, being by myself, without the TV or radio on. I became uncomfortable with my own presence. But I stuck with it. For an hour I sat by myself. Just thinking. It was interesting, to say the least.
--
As a side note: I just got off the phone with D, he called in the middle of my last sentence. Apparently he "doesn't want to chat on the phone" with me. Oh. Ok. I mean I appreciate that he feels like he can say that or whatever, but OUCH.
--
Anyway, the point I've be trying to make in a rather long-ass, roundabout way is that I feel change in the air... Like life is about to be different somehow, I'm just not sure what it will be.
5 Comments:
It's just he's fragile male ego
is bruised. I shouldn't worry
so much Etoile-if I was you.
Well the way I see it - he needs reminding how you remained calm and composed when some little bint rang on his mobile that day AFTER having turned up at his house while you were there and being told that you were back on the scene.
Dont let him:
A) use this as an excuse to launch into some shit about your relationship.
or
B) Give me something to say 'I told you so' about.
I'm not too worried about it. He's just in a funk.
Maybe he's just feeling that if he clings on or wants you every minute you'll get bored.
Or maybe not, but that's what I'd be feeling. Like it's too good and that any moment it's going to hurt like coal when it turns out to be unreal.
There are some people who are narcissists, they use their 'attention' as reward or punishment.
Don't let him withdraw his attention to you as a punishment for talking to E.
Seiously, I hope that this turns out to be THE great love of your life, you deserve it, but don't let him screw with your mind hon.
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