10 Rules For Making it In The World This Week

Haha... Today is just a continuation of yesterday. People have some funny ideas of what is appropriate behavior. I've comprised a list of rules for you so that you will be prepared just in case you wander into my bizarro world.

First we'll recap rules from yesterday...
1. Don't walk slow on sidewalks. You will get pushed.
2. Give children money when they ask for it. You are a bitch if you don't.
3. Don't live on a floor where people cook food that smells so pungent that you feel like someone is cooking in a tiny kitchen in the corner of your bedroom, instead of an apartment down the hall.

Then from later that day...
4. Don't be nice to your ex. Just don't. You WILL be called a slut as a result.
5. Don't try to write a paper quietly on a Wednesday evening at 10 p.m. Obviously your neighbors downstairs are trying to install track lighting. Try writing a paper at a quieter time of the day.
6. Do NOT ask said neighbors if there is another time that they could do their hammering. They WILL look at you like you have two heads.

Now from today...
7. Don't ever, ever make comments on people's livejournals or blogs or whatever about your personal opinion that some of the fashion trends (wearing all hats at jaunty angles, super-short ruffly skirts, wearing pants that show everything but your actual vagina) that girls are wearing these days are inappropriate, or just plain silly. You will be called fat. Obviously.
8. Forget everything you knew about traffic laws. None of it applies anymore. Just do whatever you want. Especially if it is icy.
9. Be as rude as you can to your classmates when they are giving a presentation. It is extra effective if you insinuate that the presenter is stupid. Really. Try it.
10. Call your ex in the middle of the day, while you know they are at school. Tell them that you honestly didn't care when they were going through a really tough time. THEN for extra effect make sure that you tell her that she will always be a cheater. If she cries, tell her to "Fuck off" This is all most effective if you do it right after she tells you that you will always be important to her. Try to act as much like a second grader as possible.
Generally just go against any kind of kindness, compassion or simple manners that you can possibly imagine. If you do that, you'll survive in what is starting to look like my new world, where people seem to have forgotten all the rules of normal living.