My friends, I am an idiot.
E got the karmic comeuppance he deserves. A nasty car-wreck. I have agreed to pick him up for school tomorrow morning, being the first-class pushover that I am. I was sucked in with the big blue eyes and the white toothed movie star smile... I. Am. An. Idiot.
Because tonight, earlier, while I was trying to display to myself and all who will listen what a pure horrifically pure idiot I really am, I called to ask him if he would like me to take him home tomorrow as well... He ended up calling me a "Fucking cunt"... Right. Me. He was drunk. All of a sudden, it hit me. He is an abusive, lying, cheating, son-of-a-bitch (and I mean that quite literally). He actually tried to hit me once. Said he was going to kill me. He was drunk at the time. There are very few people that I've told about that. I've made excuses for him. Not anymore.
I will pick him up tomorrow morning.
So that when we are finished with breakfast, we will have a very pleasant breakfast. I plan to enjoy my eggs, very, very much. Then because of all the things in the above paragraphs, in spite of them... I hold the best cards of all. He is still in love with me. Very, very much. I will press my nicely manicured hand against his chest, and in the bright sunlight of the morning, looking my best, smiling my bright smile: I will crush him. I will crush him with the one thing he doesn't want to hear, the truth.
The TRUTH:
I. I love D. With all my heart. He is flawed. Our relationship is flawed. But I love him, as much as one person can love another. I will continue to do so, for as long as I can. I got carried away the last week or so, feelings resurfaced that I was unprepared for. But there is no way that I will continue to jeopardize the thing I love the most, my boyfriend.
II. I don't want to talk to E ever again. I was wrong. I thought we could be friends. We can't. I'm done. I will not be called names. Ever. Ever. Ever again. For him to call me that brings one and only one thought to mind. The Ex. And I swore that I would never let a man make me feel that way again. The first time, I thought I could let it slide, because he was drunk and delirious. That was almost two years ago. Now, I don't care. I don't care that he was drunk. He disgusts me.
I will tell him both of these things. To his face. Then smooth his lapel sweetly. And walk away. Without as much as a teary eye. Very Bree VanDeKamp (points for anyone who can tell me who that is!)
Good Luck to me.. I want adventure, thrills. Not drama. I think that's what I've been missing for some time now, I always thought it was drama. Not so.
What an easy choice it turned out to be.
E got the karmic comeuppance he deserves. A nasty car-wreck. I have agreed to pick him up for school tomorrow morning, being the first-class pushover that I am. I was sucked in with the big blue eyes and the white toothed movie star smile... I. Am. An. Idiot.
Because tonight, earlier, while I was trying to display to myself and all who will listen what a pure horrifically pure idiot I really am, I called to ask him if he would like me to take him home tomorrow as well... He ended up calling me a "Fucking cunt"... Right. Me. He was drunk. All of a sudden, it hit me. He is an abusive, lying, cheating, son-of-a-bitch (and I mean that quite literally). He actually tried to hit me once. Said he was going to kill me. He was drunk at the time. There are very few people that I've told about that. I've made excuses for him. Not anymore.
I will pick him up tomorrow morning.
So that when we are finished with breakfast, we will have a very pleasant breakfast. I plan to enjoy my eggs, very, very much. Then because of all the things in the above paragraphs, in spite of them... I hold the best cards of all. He is still in love with me. Very, very much. I will press my nicely manicured hand against his chest, and in the bright sunlight of the morning, looking my best, smiling my bright smile: I will crush him. I will crush him with the one thing he doesn't want to hear, the truth.
The TRUTH:
I. I love D. With all my heart. He is flawed. Our relationship is flawed. But I love him, as much as one person can love another. I will continue to do so, for as long as I can. I got carried away the last week or so, feelings resurfaced that I was unprepared for. But there is no way that I will continue to jeopardize the thing I love the most, my boyfriend.
II. I don't want to talk to E ever again. I was wrong. I thought we could be friends. We can't. I'm done. I will not be called names. Ever. Ever. Ever again. For him to call me that brings one and only one thought to mind. The Ex. And I swore that I would never let a man make me feel that way again. The first time, I thought I could let it slide, because he was drunk and delirious. That was almost two years ago. Now, I don't care. I don't care that he was drunk. He disgusts me.
I will tell him both of these things. To his face. Then smooth his lapel sweetly. And walk away. Without as much as a teary eye. Very Bree VanDeKamp (points for anyone who can tell me who that is!)
Good Luck to me.. I want adventure, thrills. Not drama. I think that's what I've been missing for some time now, I always thought it was drama. Not so.
What an easy choice it turned out to be.
4 Comments:
Bree Vanderkamp - why that would be DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES! wahayyyy.. I got it.. what do I win!!
I wouldnt have known that had I not been ill, laid up on the sofa and caught 3 back to back episodes of the show.
She is the reason that I have now labelled A CLASS Lemming 'Bree' - suits her down to the ground :-)
I wish you much luck. And of course let us know how it goes.
I hope it goes ok. Or more than ok...
Hiya-you are young, I think that you
may be 'thinking' too much, something I try
not to do unless I'm at work of course!
I think it's this january month, it's a pisser!
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