My hands are shaking.

My breath is short.

It's the little anxiety attacks. I feel as if something is vibrating inside me and my lungs are being crushed. I hate to be aware of my heart beating. I can hear it in my ears and pulsing under every inch of my skin. It almost hurts. I know my eyes do. Thinking almost makes me feel the wrinkles in my brain. Feel. I FEEL everything. I am so hypersensitive that I want to cry and laugh, every moment. Yes, I'm a little hysterical right now. Nobody could be sicker of this than me.

NORMAL.

I want normal. But what is normal? This is probably more normal than a lot of people. I know I'm more normal than the people in the McDonald's commercials that compare their friends to sandwiches. Everybody's more normal than that.

I sat staring at an electrical outlet in the wall for ten minutes today. Ten minutes is a long time. But in my peripheral vision I could seen the minutes tick by on the clock. Luckily, I had the cat to keep me company.

I'm actually doing pretty well. The anxiety attacks are fairly minor. I feel like I'm getting away with something by having them and not something worse. I don't really know what that says about me.