I learn more from my professors about what kind of professor I want to be than I do actual curriculum.

I arrived home today in complete exasperation with the entire university community... How did so many horrible professors get hired at my fairly good state school???? While it makes me look forward to having my own job some day, and the mere fact that I am not a moron should get me hired, I am still wretchedly disappointed.

So I compiled a list. This is a list of the things I promise both to do and never to do when I am Dr. Tyler, Professor of Literature at Such and Such State U. Each promise is inspired by my very unfortunate real-life experience.


I will never look at a half-empty class on the day a huge paper is due and say; "Well I guess everyone who isn't here can turn their papers in next class.... There doesn't seem to be much point to taking attendance either." Lesson learned: Don't punish the students who DO the work assigned and reward the students who do not. PENALIZE THE STUDENTS WHO DO NOT!!!!

I will never give an un-edited syllabus to students. Lesson learned: Providing a grammatically correct syllabus with the correct due dates and a comprehensive reading plan is essential. Never ask students to read a book, and then never tell them when to read it. They will not read it. Always give correct due dates if you wish for things to be turned in on time.

I will always read the books my students are reading. A professor last week actually admitted that he had not read the book we were to DISCUSS in class in over four years. Disgraceful. Lesson learned: If you can't read it, don't assign it.

I will never assign group-work unless absolutely necessary. Lesson learned: There is always one person who carries the group, or there is one that entirely lets the group down. Also, everyone hates group-work, especially when it concerns literature.

I will stop that guy in the corner from talking for OVER five minutes, five minutes is a longass time people. Lesson learned: It is the professor's job to control class discussions.

I will not be a sexist bastard. Lesson learned: Students have to trust professors, when a professor gives clear preference to "attractive" students it hurts other students who are not as "attractive"... In other words, I promise to keep things appropriate.

I promise never to shove my political and/or religious views down my students’ throats. Lesson learned: That should be obvious.

I have a sense of humor whenever I can.

If anyone can give me any other suggestions or helpful hints about being a teacher, I would love to hear them... The list is ever growing.