Apparently only my cat remembers how much hospitals freak me out.

My mother had a full hysterectomy today (ouch, my organs cry out in pain.) When I called D (who promised to "be there for whatever I need") he didn't answer. All afternoon. Must've been that pesky Calculus test (Drip drip drip goes the sarcasm.)

When I was having a panic attack because I can't stand hospitals, and just needed to talk I called E. I got yelled at for a reason I couldn't make out, then asked why I was being so "bitchy" when I was mad about it. He got hung up on and ignored when he called back.

When I called D back to see if he would meet me for dinner in the city after his test and after I left the hospital, he still didn't answer. So I asked his voicemail. Neither he nor the voicemail has responded. Its a quarter to ten, I can't see how the test could still be going on.

I called BQ but she must be out.

When I got back to my place, I walked in the door wet, cold, tired, hungry, and more than a little emotional for a second I hoped against hope that D, having my keys, might have come by to make dinner and clean up the place a bit. I walked into a dark apartment. I could see the little red light blinking on my machine though... Someone must have called.

It was "Bill" from such and such credit card company. They've approved me for a small business credit card and a loan. To the answering machine I said "Fuck you." Then I sat down in the dark and cried.

My mother is fine, I'm happy for that. I just feel sick for the rest of it. I suppose I'm just feeling sorry for myself. I'd call someone else but I can't take anymore voicemail messages.