I am at my parents' house. I have not showered, or brushed my teeth. My mom made me breakfast, and I can smell dinner cooking now. I really haven't done anything today except talk on the phone and sleep. It's great! Plans for Easter tomorrow seem to be solidifying, sort of. I had a moment last night when I discovered that I have nothing to wear... I got off my damn diet for a few weeks and gained five pounds that make all my cute clothes impossible to wear. Its amazing what five pounds in the wrong places will do to an outfit. I've decided upon my old standby... The black suit. Its sleek. Not exactly "Easter" but its snowy here and will be 43 tomorrow so I'm not going to worry about it. Sleek is good enough for me. Church is always difficult for me. I feel so judged. D's car is being a bitch and a half, the heat is out so the windows won't defrost. So he might have to drive down later with A and B. I'd feel better about church if he was there. Which I've decided is a little sick, I shouldn't depend on him so much. Somehow I need to learn to depend on myself, branch out a little. Anyway, things have been a little weird with D and I since my little episode. I feel like I got a little too attached again, because I really felt it when I heard that strained tone in his voice, like he was trying really hard to act normally towards me. I hate that. I hate that my actions, produced by my frickin mental illness evoke that in people. That uncomfortable feeling. It makes me wonder if anyone can ever really love me for who I am. I can't imagine meeting someone new, eventually telling them about being bipolar and them going; "Oh that's fine!" Nope, I've gotta say I see taillights screeching away into the distance after that. Perhaps I'm just being dismal.