Ehhh... I should be writing a teensy little paper for Lit Studies. Obviously I'm not. Anyone who is concerned for my academic progress need not worry.... I'll do it, just not right this second. I feel better today, thanks to everyone who was concerned for me, I appreciate it. I'm feeling a little dizzy though, I think I'm dehydrated. Talked to D five or six times yesterday. Mostly avoided talking about the events of Tuesday night. I think he feels bad about something... Hmm... I'll have to think on that.
When I talked to E about what happened he sounded worried, and sad. After relating the short version of the story to him (he was on his way to a hockey game... bleh) he had this to say:
E: "What did D do?"
Me: "What do you mean? I just told you he called my mother."
E: "No, honey, I mean what did he do to make you manic?"
Me: "Nothing. It had nothing to do with him. "
E: "Right. Ok. I don't want to argue."
Me: (sigh)
E: "I'm sorry babe. I shouldn't have said that. I just wish it was me that took care of you. Every time something goes wrong and he's there, and I'm not it makes me feel like I've fucked up all over again."
Me: "It isn't your fault you're not here. I mean we agreed that you going was what was best for you at the time, right?"
E: "Yeah, but.... Do you still want to try when I get back?"
Me: "E, I need to know that I can trust you first. I don't want to talk about this right now. I'm tired. I want you to comfort me, not make me think about hard stuff."
E: "Nero says he loves you, here listen..." (cat mews. Nero is the twin of one of my cats, when E and I lived together there was a whole happy cat family.)
Me: "Awww... My baby boy! I love him too. Now see that's the kind of trivial nonsense I need. Mmmm..."
E: "Ok... So baby, at the game they kept putting girls up on the JumboTron and guys were going wild yelling; 'Take your shirt off' and it was ridiculous, most of the girls weren't even cute... ... ..." (this story went on for a while, I laughed though so it was nice)
He tries his best, I just think "his best" needs a little tweaking. I'm not thinking about this D and E thing today though. The thought of the two of them kind of makes my head spin... I have Oedipus Rex and the kitchen floor being a sick mess to think of... I'm so going to need a nap.
When I talked to E about what happened he sounded worried, and sad. After relating the short version of the story to him (he was on his way to a hockey game... bleh) he had this to say:
E: "What did D do?"
Me: "What do you mean? I just told you he called my mother."
E: "No, honey, I mean what did he do to make you manic?"
Me: "Nothing. It had nothing to do with him. "
E: "Right. Ok. I don't want to argue."
Me: (sigh)
E: "I'm sorry babe. I shouldn't have said that. I just wish it was me that took care of you. Every time something goes wrong and he's there, and I'm not it makes me feel like I've fucked up all over again."
Me: "It isn't your fault you're not here. I mean we agreed that you going was what was best for you at the time, right?"
E: "Yeah, but.... Do you still want to try when I get back?"
Me: "E, I need to know that I can trust you first. I don't want to talk about this right now. I'm tired. I want you to comfort me, not make me think about hard stuff."
E: "Nero says he loves you, here listen..." (cat mews. Nero is the twin of one of my cats, when E and I lived together there was a whole happy cat family.)
Me: "Awww... My baby boy! I love him too. Now see that's the kind of trivial nonsense I need. Mmmm..."
E: "Ok... So baby, at the game they kept putting girls up on the JumboTron and guys were going wild yelling; 'Take your shirt off' and it was ridiculous, most of the girls weren't even cute... ... ..." (this story went on for a while, I laughed though so it was nice)
He tries his best, I just think "his best" needs a little tweaking. I'm not thinking about this D and E thing today though. The thought of the two of them kind of makes my head spin... I have Oedipus Rex and the kitchen floor being a sick mess to think of... I'm so going to need a nap.
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