Smell is such a strange thing... Its amazing how real a memory can be when you smell something familiar. D left one of his shirts here the other night. He doesn't wear any cologne, which I find strange in a guy his age, most guys I know in their mid-twenties seem obsessed with how they smell when they go out. D just smells like him, he puts off such a strong amount of natural phermones, its like he doesn't need anything else. I picked up the shirt off the floor, to toss it in the laundry and I could smell him; clean, from the detergent he washes his clothes in to the soap he uses in the shower, with a dash of whatever that is that is just him. I sat down on the floor for a second and closed my eyes, it was like getting a hug from him, so warm and close.

I use Coty translucent face powder, because my grandmother did and her skin was always flawless and beautiful. I also use it because it has a very particular smell, and I am always reminded of her when I brush it on. Its a light powdery smell, fine and delicate, like her. It reminds me of how she was a gorgeous woman, even into her seventies. It makes me feel as beautiful and confident as she was, sometimes I can almost feel her squeeze my hand.

When I smell Burberry Touch for Men I think of E. I think of the moments when he holds me and it feels like there is nothing in the world but me and him. It makes me so sad. I think of the way all of his clothes feel soft against my skin and his skin is always warm.

When I load my dishwasher with Cascade, I smell that tart, clean smell and think of my Mama. Clean and pristine, sharp around the edges.


Now, whenever I smell Hard Apple Cider I think of razors and blood. I think of rancid moments and my life rotting from the inside of my body. I think of the sink filled with ice and the taste of my own tears.


Whenever I smell carnival food I think of the Indiana State Fair, watching my family's horses race, eating cotton candy and hot dogs and running into cousins I never knew I had.

When I smell anything "French Vanilla" I think of BQ. I think of all the years we've been friends and how much I miss her. I think of her laugh, and how she knows me better than almost anyone...


And... Whenever I smell Lysol "Linen Fresh" air freshening spray I remember the hideous summer that E and I lived together and the only way to kill all the ants was to spray the air freshener at them because the place we lived was so tight and cramped there wasn't enough air flow for anything else.