We'd had such a good weekend. The holiday went well and we had a fun time at BQ's birthday party. I felt like we were finally getting back on track, until this morning. I was getting around slowly, and by the time I got up he was already watching the news and checking his email. I sat down on the loveseat and snuggled a cat. She purred in my ear, hugging my neck with her paws. He smiled wanly at me, and grumpily, I smiled back.

"What're you looking at?" I questioned.

"Pictures from J and K's wedding, J emailed them to me this morning."

"Oh, neat."

"They turned out really well."

I hugged the cat a little tighter and she squeaked. I was feeling sleepy still and my meds weren't helping. I noticed that he was smiling a lot as he looked at the pictures. My stomach turned a little and I felt uncomfortable, "Maybe it's because I don't have the best memories from the wedding" I thought to myself. I decided to go figure out what reading to do for today. I was gathering my books in the study when he passed by telling me that he emailed me the link to the album.

I opened my email and clicked on the link. As I browsed through the pictures the feeling in the pit of my stomach grew steadily. Most of the pictures were of boring, normal wedding stuff, the ceremony itself, the wedding party photos, etc. It was when I got to the section that was from the reception itself, and the disposable cameras that I began to feel really bad. Picture after picture of her. A little confused at why she was included in so many of the photos they chose to send to their friends, I closed the album. I decided it didn't matter much and went to the bedroom to start my reading.

"Did you look at them?" he asked as he slid onto the bed next to me.

"Mmmmhmm..." I trailed, trying not to meet his eyes, his hand was sliding between my legs under the sheets.

"They were really good weren't they, especially the ones from the reception..."

I shot him a nasty look but he wasn't paying attention. He was busy trying to get my pajama pants off.

"Are you joking?"

He still wasn't listening and before I knew it he was on top of me.

"What the hell D?"

He looked at me for a second a little shocked at the tone in my voice. He had no recognition of why I was so mad. He rambled off some bullshit about wanting to have sex before school. For some reason I consented. I did all the things he likes best, to have it over with quickly. Then I did something I knew I'd hate myself for later. I used it against him. In fact, I think that's what I meant to do all along. I don't know why I did it but something about that smile while he was looking at the pictures, it incensed me into horrible manipulation.

"SO, did you enjoy thinking about HER while you were fucking me?"

He looked shocked. I never use sex as a weapon, and it was obvious to him that I'd planned to screw him over.

The fight that ensued was pretty nasty, I have no sympathy for him, and none for myself. I hate this woman, I hate the jealousy she brings out in me, the cruelty she inspires, and most of all, I hate the way he won't tell her to fuck off. He says he just won't speak to her, but I think he should tell her to lose his number, permanently. For saying that to him I was ordered to

"stop speaking to E. FOREVER. I mean it Etoile, I don't want you talking to him."

Interesting.

As he slammed the door and left for the day I felt strangely calm. Collected even. When I knew he'd gone I simply got up and started the laundry.

Again, interesting.