It is late. I have read over two hundred pages this evening (at three a.m. is it ok to still say evening?) and written eight pages of text. It looks like finals around here. There are papers and books everywhere. Which I like. This is the only time when I like a mess. It looks like we're doing something that matters around here.
We're getting rid of cable. This scares me. Not having TV scares me. It's a good kind of scared. But I think I'll miss it. There are some shows like re-runs of Friends and Gilmore Girls that feel like comfy sweats. When I'm sad or lonely they're like having really good company. But I'm going to try it. No TV for the summer. Maybe I'll watch movies. There are a lot of movies that I've never seen that I'd like to see. I fully plan to read books after school is over, but books are not a part of "fun" right now.
Also, D and I will not be living together next year. This probably isn't a suprise to most of you. What may be a suprise is that not living together has very little to do with how hard actually living together has been. It's just practical. We're looking at it like we're going to have two places, one here, one in Boulder. Only mostly I'll be here, and mostly he'll be there. Huge open door policy though. All in all it's taken the HUGE pressure off of our relationship. He doesn't have to worry about the commute and the possibility of never making it to class, and I can be closer to my parents during this really difficult time. Neither one of us has to feel the pain of living in a suburban wasteland. We get to have the pleasure of living part-time in two cool cities (only 30 minutes apart)... I know it's going to be different. But we've never done things the conventional way.
I have to say I am SO looking forward to having some space that is MINE again. D and I are people who need their own space. I truly believe that if we'd had a house this year a lot would have been different. Everybody needs a space that's all their own and neither of us has that here. I need one room that has nothing to do with D. Here we share ALL our space, which gets a little claustrophobic for me.
The upside of all of this is that I recently found out that I will inherit a considerable (though not extreme) amount of money from my grandparents within the next year. This soothes a lot of my financial concerns about grad school and about securing a more permanent place to live while I do the whole return to academia thing. Thank God for the little things.
Making the "living apart" decision has been incredible. Minute after minute we seem to get along better, no snippiness, no sharp words. Amidst all the stress of money, school and people dying we seem to be getting along famously. Finally. I think the weight of the unrealistic comprimise of living together next year was killing both of us. Neither one of us wanted to say "This isn't going to work well for me" for fear of killing off our relationship. People kept saying how it never works when a couple lives together, then lives apart... It got scary. I think it is really important to make decisions based on your own feelings, not on what everybody else says.
Mothers everywhere have been trying to teach there kids this for like, EVER. "If Johnny jumped of a cliff..." You know the drill. Yeah, I like my relationship with a lot of space built in. And until I can afford that space we're going to need to live apart. Which is perfectly fine with me.
Things I'm going to do this summer without TV and without a live-in:
Learn to meditate (which is quite difficult)
Learn some French (which is sexy)
Read Ulysses or Anna Karenina (one or the other, not both)
Take up yoga (because bendy is neat)
Go on a road trip (because I am so Jack Kerouac)
Stop wearing makeup everyday (I'm not a slave to this look)
Finish growing out my hair (because a zen hippie chick needs long hair and all this crap is kind of noveau zen hippie)
Visit people who live in tents (I'm not explaining this now)
The thoughts MAY just be all out of my head now. Don't worry I can go without a lot sleep for a few days. Thursday is going to involve a big nap in the afternoon.
PS I love my new glasses.
We're getting rid of cable. This scares me. Not having TV scares me. It's a good kind of scared. But I think I'll miss it. There are some shows like re-runs of Friends and Gilmore Girls that feel like comfy sweats. When I'm sad or lonely they're like having really good company. But I'm going to try it. No TV for the summer. Maybe I'll watch movies. There are a lot of movies that I've never seen that I'd like to see. I fully plan to read books after school is over, but books are not a part of "fun" right now.
Also, D and I will not be living together next year. This probably isn't a suprise to most of you. What may be a suprise is that not living together has very little to do with how hard actually living together has been. It's just practical. We're looking at it like we're going to have two places, one here, one in Boulder. Only mostly I'll be here, and mostly he'll be there. Huge open door policy though. All in all it's taken the HUGE pressure off of our relationship. He doesn't have to worry about the commute and the possibility of never making it to class, and I can be closer to my parents during this really difficult time. Neither one of us has to feel the pain of living in a suburban wasteland. We get to have the pleasure of living part-time in two cool cities (only 30 minutes apart)... I know it's going to be different. But we've never done things the conventional way.
I have to say I am SO looking forward to having some space that is MINE again. D and I are people who need their own space. I truly believe that if we'd had a house this year a lot would have been different. Everybody needs a space that's all their own and neither of us has that here. I need one room that has nothing to do with D. Here we share ALL our space, which gets a little claustrophobic for me.
The upside of all of this is that I recently found out that I will inherit a considerable (though not extreme) amount of money from my grandparents within the next year. This soothes a lot of my financial concerns about grad school and about securing a more permanent place to live while I do the whole return to academia thing. Thank God for the little things.
Making the "living apart" decision has been incredible. Minute after minute we seem to get along better, no snippiness, no sharp words. Amidst all the stress of money, school and people dying we seem to be getting along famously. Finally. I think the weight of the unrealistic comprimise of living together next year was killing both of us. Neither one of us wanted to say "This isn't going to work well for me" for fear of killing off our relationship. People kept saying how it never works when a couple lives together, then lives apart... It got scary. I think it is really important to make decisions based on your own feelings, not on what everybody else says.
Mothers everywhere have been trying to teach there kids this for like, EVER. "If Johnny jumped of a cliff..." You know the drill. Yeah, I like my relationship with a lot of space built in. And until I can afford that space we're going to need to live apart. Which is perfectly fine with me.
Things I'm going to do this summer without TV and without a live-in:
Learn to meditate (which is quite difficult)
Learn some French (which is sexy)
Read Ulysses or Anna Karenina (one or the other, not both)
Take up yoga (because bendy is neat)
Go on a road trip (because I am so Jack Kerouac)
Stop wearing makeup everyday (I'm not a slave to this look)
Finish growing out my hair (because a zen hippie chick needs long hair and all this crap is kind of noveau zen hippie)
Visit people who live in tents (I'm not explaining this now)
The thoughts MAY just be all out of my head now. Don't worry I can go without a lot sleep for a few days. Thursday is going to involve a big nap in the afternoon.
PS I love my new glasses.
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home