So...
D won't be home from Wisconsin for my birthday OR my birthday party a week later. This diappoints me a lot. I've barely heard from him all summer. It feels like on top of everthing else that he's pulling away from me. It hurts. But I'm getting pretty used to that feeling. Yesterday I found out that he'd driven to Minnesota to visit his best friend, who is also friends with the ex-love-of-his-life... He didn't tell me this until he let it slip on the phone that he was there. That hurt a lot. I don't really think he'd cheat on me, but I feel like he should have told me that he was going there.
Mostly, I don't feel like I care too much anymore. I'd rather not cry every time I talk to him. He makes me feel weak. I hate that.
I'm just ready for this summer to be over.
I'm registering for some classes in the fall. I think it will be good for me to have school again, at least for a little bit. Maybe it'll help build me back up. I don't need any more insecurity right now.
D won't be home from Wisconsin for my birthday OR my birthday party a week later. This diappoints me a lot. I've barely heard from him all summer. It feels like on top of everthing else that he's pulling away from me. It hurts. But I'm getting pretty used to that feeling. Yesterday I found out that he'd driven to Minnesota to visit his best friend, who is also friends with the ex-love-of-his-life... He didn't tell me this until he let it slip on the phone that he was there. That hurt a lot. I don't really think he'd cheat on me, but I feel like he should have told me that he was going there.
Mostly, I don't feel like I care too much anymore. I'd rather not cry every time I talk to him. He makes me feel weak. I hate that.
I'm just ready for this summer to be over.
I'm registering for some classes in the fall. I think it will be good for me to have school again, at least for a little bit. Maybe it'll help build me back up. I don't need any more insecurity right now.
3 Comments:
Why dont you knock all that studying on the head for a while and go do some travelling with a mate.. You can get a 'round the world' ticket for about a grand, make a few months of it. Probably the best opportunity you'll get in your lifetime to do it.
Or you can sit around waiting for D to get his finger out of his ass..
Having re-read that some hours later I realise I sound harsh, as usual. Its just that for the last couple years I keep reading you go around and around in circles in your life - D, studying, discontentment, E, studying, D... and so on... it cant be much fun, well, you SAY it isnt much fun, so its obviously not...Youre now at such a point where you said you were going to live with your mum and its not like you have anchors like kids holding you down. Take advantage of it while you can..
That would be awesome advice if A) I had ANY money, B)was not going to have to sell my soul to creditors to go to grad school, C) I had had ANY friends who would do it too, and finally D)Felt like leaving my mom and sister for a length of time like that would be anywhere near responsible.
I actually looked into it, and it just isn't feasible for me right now.
While I don't have kids I do have a mom and sister who are devastated by my dad's death. Even if it wouldn't put me thousands of dollars in debt to do such a thing I couldn't leave them they certainly couldn't come along... This is turning into a post.
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