I think the main problem in my relationship is that I've had some problems with setting boundaries. Over the last couple of years I've learned that I function best when things are fairly routine, I get plenty of quiet time and plenty of sleep. D's brother kind of throws two out of three of these things off. It isn't his fault really.
A large part of this is my issue. I haven't really found my routine here. I haven't been in school, the jobs that I have (or have had) are mainly self-directed and to see my friends I have to leave the city limits. So I've thrown myself off to start with.
When D has Brother over it's usually a late night, and our apartment is small so if I choose to go to bed it's still pretty noisy and I have a hard time sleeping. Brother lives just next door so it's easy for him to come over frequently. Moving is not an option in our town, we live in the best space for us financially. When we first moved in together I didn't really realize how much I would have to put my foot down about Brother being over late at night. Or really at all. D really hasn't ever been someone to have friends over and I've never dated someone in my adult life who has siblings that live in the same town. I really just didn't know what I was getting into, and therefore didn't set the right boundaries for me.
It doesn't help that there are a lot of really painful issues surrounding my dad's death coming up right now. My parents' anniversary is today and the anniversary of my dad's death is coming very near. It is seeming very real that he is dead now. It hasn't seemed particularly real up until this point. I find myself hysterically crying over some really stupid crap.
This combination of things has made me very difficult to be around. I realize this and fully acknowledge it and have warned people that it would be so. However, because of my failure to set boundaries originally it's been difficult to curb the time that Brother spends here. I am a pretty private person as far as grieving goes. I hate to cry in front of people or act upset. For this reason I barely cried at my dad's funeral and basically had a dinner party at my house afterwards. These are bad ideas for someone who is a private griever. I learned the hard way. I'm trying not to make the mistakes this year that I made last year. I hope to make some progress on my "dad" issues.
This hasn't been easy. I know it's hard for D to see me this way. It's hard for me to be this way in general. I'm going to have to find a way to get through the next few weeks and just deal. I know that I'll be less sensitive then and I'll be able to work out exactly what needs to be done to make my living situation more comfortable for me.
A large part of this is my issue. I haven't really found my routine here. I haven't been in school, the jobs that I have (or have had) are mainly self-directed and to see my friends I have to leave the city limits. So I've thrown myself off to start with.
When D has Brother over it's usually a late night, and our apartment is small so if I choose to go to bed it's still pretty noisy and I have a hard time sleeping. Brother lives just next door so it's easy for him to come over frequently. Moving is not an option in our town, we live in the best space for us financially. When we first moved in together I didn't really realize how much I would have to put my foot down about Brother being over late at night. Or really at all. D really hasn't ever been someone to have friends over and I've never dated someone in my adult life who has siblings that live in the same town. I really just didn't know what I was getting into, and therefore didn't set the right boundaries for me.
It doesn't help that there are a lot of really painful issues surrounding my dad's death coming up right now. My parents' anniversary is today and the anniversary of my dad's death is coming very near. It is seeming very real that he is dead now. It hasn't seemed particularly real up until this point. I find myself hysterically crying over some really stupid crap.
This combination of things has made me very difficult to be around. I realize this and fully acknowledge it and have warned people that it would be so. However, because of my failure to set boundaries originally it's been difficult to curb the time that Brother spends here. I am a pretty private person as far as grieving goes. I hate to cry in front of people or act upset. For this reason I barely cried at my dad's funeral and basically had a dinner party at my house afterwards. These are bad ideas for someone who is a private griever. I learned the hard way. I'm trying not to make the mistakes this year that I made last year. I hope to make some progress on my "dad" issues.
This hasn't been easy. I know it's hard for D to see me this way. It's hard for me to be this way in general. I'm going to have to find a way to get through the next few weeks and just deal. I know that I'll be less sensitive then and I'll be able to work out exactly what needs to be done to make my living situation more comfortable for me.
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home