I asked Friend and Brother to give me some space for a few days. Brother wasn't supposed to come over at all, and D was supposed to stay away from him for a couple days.

I walked out of the bathroom this afternoon into my living room, only to find him on my back porch. I swear I almost threw up out of anxiety. I simply turned back around went into my bedroom, closed the door and sat on the bed. I had asked for some space, just until after my birthday. Being on my back porch isn't space.

I'm a very, very forgiving person. Sometimes I forgive too easily. But I just needed some room to breathe right now, especially from Brother. So I picked up a book and a laptop and threw them in a bag. I started to walk out of the house. D came back into the living room and stopped me saying, "Where are you going?" I just glared at him and said "We made a deal."

The deal was that Brother leave me alone until after my birthday. Apparently, he wanted to apologize to me, D says he's anxious to do so. I'm just not ready to talk and be nice right now. I don't even know why he wants to apologize to me. At this point I don't even know what the point is. "Sorry" is just a word and the damage has been done.

I'm just tired of the concept that whatever Brother does he'll be completely forgiven and that I should just sit and keep my mouth shut. It just makes me the bad guy all the time. I'm tired of being the bad guy. I think I'm a pretty good girlfriend, friend and sister. I wish people would stop treating me like the frowning bitchface.

This entire drama makes me want to dig a hole and pull all the dirt in behind me, walk away and not look back, totally disappear... I want to not look at any of these people for months. All I want is some space. I'm trying hard not to be mean, but I'm starting to feel pretty pushed around.

Believe me, nobody wants to see me get mean.