I've been crying a lot lately. I go through phases. Most of the time I don't cry at all. I stay silent, and angry, or sad, but do not cry. Lately, the I'm a regular tear factory. Pretty much only by myself though. I hate to have other people see me cry. I cried in front of you-know-who the other night (the night he said you-know-what), but otherwise just by myself. In some ways it is relieving. So I'm sitting here reading Kathryn's post from today and whoosh there are the tears. I'm sitting here in my adorable interview outfit sobbing like a baby. I'm so glad I'm home alone. I was worried for the last couple days because all of a sudden I went numb in the middle of the "crying phase" but no worries, I'm back to sobbing now. I can't shake the feelings of humiliation and "I should've known better". Yes, love songs have been making me cry. Yes, posts about other people finding love have been making me cry. Yes, re-runs of Buffy have been making me cry. I'm a damp mess. But, only by myself, the rest of the time I've gotten busy making it look like things are going fine. But if you look at the pile of clean clothes that's been waiting to be hung for over a week in my bedroom, or the stack of dishes waiting for their washing in the sink, you know. Inside I'm hurting pretty badly, and the one person who I want to tell the most is the one person I have to act fine around. So blame him if you're sick of hearing me bitch and moan. I know I'm going to.