When I was fifteen I met this guy, and he made me feel like I was the only girl in the whole world. I thought I'd never be in love with anyone else, ever. Of course, I was wrong, I've been in love since then, its been complicated and heartwrenching. Every time I get hurt, or hurt someone else I think that I wish I could be different, that I wish I could be one of those people who doesn't feel much, that it was easier for me to just move on. I don't really wish that. I think I like this. I think I like the drama. I seek it out to some extent. Its a part of me and its a part of the highs and lows of my disease. As much as I keep trying to change myself, make it different so that it stops hurting so much, because when it hurts for me it feels like it hurts so much more than it does for other people, my beautiful memories are so much more beautiful. E keeps telling me that I'm difficult for people to be around, that its hard for them to handle me. That's ok, I'm not for everybody. There are these things that I do want to be different. I want to stop falling in love with men who are out for vengeance against womankind... That's a little bit of a problem for me. I need to get to a point where I don't want to be a different person. I just don't know that even if I could be someone different who I would be. It wouldn't be any fun to be one of those people who has it all together all the time... Well it might be fun for a week or so. Part of what makes life interesting is making the embarrassing mistakes and living your own adventures every day. If your life isn't a story that you want to keep on telling then what is the point?