I've been doing some thinking lately, and I'd like to introduce you to two people. Then I'm not going to talk about this anymore here.
She's pretty, but doubts it constantly. From the time she was a small child she towered heads above everyone she knew. In junior high her height made her feel like no boy would ever look at her the way she wanted him to. When she was very little and her sister was born, it was supposed to be a happy occasion. But it turned out to be different than anyone had planned. The baby wasn't like other babies. It had Down Syndrome. The small, elf-like creature was hooked up to all sorts of tubes and wires, and was kept in a plastic cage. The little girl's mother insisted that she be allowed to see the baby, even though children so small weren't allowed in the infant ICU. The little girl's mom and dad were very busy with their sick baby. The little girl had to go to her grandparents house a lot. It wasn't bad, but she wondered what was wrong. In the next few years the little girl became an angry child. Her parents didn't know what to do. She was so smart, and well behaved at school. But at home, things were worse. Her behavior was almost uncontrollable. Her parents felt lost. They fought with each other, they fought with her. They little girl grew into an even angrier teenager. On the outside she had a good, happy life. She learned to keep what was wrong inside her. Anything that seemed imperfect she pushed to the back of her head. She was productive, a cheerleader at first. Then, she thought theater was a better option. She was so excited to go to college. Anything to get away from the place she grew up, and the things she was hiding...
He's attractive, not in an Abercrombie and Fitch way... In a way that is unique. His eyes are a beautiful shade of brown and the lashes that frame them are what most women would kill for. He's tall and blonde and exudes strength. When he was a little boy he didn't worry about much of anything. He was a tiny troublemaker. He and his brother had so much energy, I wonder sometimes how his mother coped. They played in the creek, digging and splashing, and catching all sorts of water creatures. As he grew his parents discovered that his brother was so energetic because he had ADD. The little boy never got medicine like his brother, but was just as energetic. When he got to high school he made trouble, for himself and his parents, and whoever else he could drag along. Fiercely independent, he moved out of his parents house. He graduated early from high school, by the skin of his teeth. He made a choice to do something different with his life something nobody expected from him....
When she got to college it wasn't what she'd expected. In fact, it was miserable. People she loved and trusted became monsters, or simply alienated from her life. When he came home on leave, he found the girl he loved sleeping with someone else. He found that nobody who loved him had bothered to let him know. They changed inside when these things happened...
When they met she was hurt, and broken. When they met he was still angry at love. They helped each other. He lent her his strength, and she lent him her point of view. Somehow they became friends. But she was still broken, in ways he couldn't fix. It took a lot of time for her to get better, and when she did their friendship was damaged too. They needed some time...
These people, these people I know so well... They don't seem like us. They don't seem like the people that we are now. When I look back at the story that made us "us" it doesn't seem quite real. The pieces all fit together now. In ways they didn't before. The only people who can really know what we've been through is us. Every relationship has deep and delicately latticed intricacies. Ours has just as many, the love that has always been between us has been hard to find. Love is hard. Real love, the kind where people fight through serious, real problems and make it out with their love not only intact but stronger than before, that is the kind I want. That is the kind I have. It doesn't make things perfect. We both make mistakes that drive one another crazy up the wall. I love it. Because I can look at where we've been, and know that there isn't much we can go through that could break us.
He's an infuriating bastard... But he can fix my computer when it crashes, my dishwasher when it pisses water all over the kitchen floor, and my heart when it is broken, even if he's the one who broke it. That's the kind of man I want around.
She's pretty, but doubts it constantly. From the time she was a small child she towered heads above everyone she knew. In junior high her height made her feel like no boy would ever look at her the way she wanted him to. When she was very little and her sister was born, it was supposed to be a happy occasion. But it turned out to be different than anyone had planned. The baby wasn't like other babies. It had Down Syndrome. The small, elf-like creature was hooked up to all sorts of tubes and wires, and was kept in a plastic cage. The little girl's mother insisted that she be allowed to see the baby, even though children so small weren't allowed in the infant ICU. The little girl's mom and dad were very busy with their sick baby. The little girl had to go to her grandparents house a lot. It wasn't bad, but she wondered what was wrong. In the next few years the little girl became an angry child. Her parents didn't know what to do. She was so smart, and well behaved at school. But at home, things were worse. Her behavior was almost uncontrollable. Her parents felt lost. They fought with each other, they fought with her. They little girl grew into an even angrier teenager. On the outside she had a good, happy life. She learned to keep what was wrong inside her. Anything that seemed imperfect she pushed to the back of her head. She was productive, a cheerleader at first. Then, she thought theater was a better option. She was so excited to go to college. Anything to get away from the place she grew up, and the things she was hiding...
He's attractive, not in an Abercrombie and Fitch way... In a way that is unique. His eyes are a beautiful shade of brown and the lashes that frame them are what most women would kill for. He's tall and blonde and exudes strength. When he was a little boy he didn't worry about much of anything. He was a tiny troublemaker. He and his brother had so much energy, I wonder sometimes how his mother coped. They played in the creek, digging and splashing, and catching all sorts of water creatures. As he grew his parents discovered that his brother was so energetic because he had ADD. The little boy never got medicine like his brother, but was just as energetic. When he got to high school he made trouble, for himself and his parents, and whoever else he could drag along. Fiercely independent, he moved out of his parents house. He graduated early from high school, by the skin of his teeth. He made a choice to do something different with his life something nobody expected from him....
When she got to college it wasn't what she'd expected. In fact, it was miserable. People she loved and trusted became monsters, or simply alienated from her life. When he came home on leave, he found the girl he loved sleeping with someone else. He found that nobody who loved him had bothered to let him know. They changed inside when these things happened...
When they met she was hurt, and broken. When they met he was still angry at love. They helped each other. He lent her his strength, and she lent him her point of view. Somehow they became friends. But she was still broken, in ways he couldn't fix. It took a lot of time for her to get better, and when she did their friendship was damaged too. They needed some time...
These people, these people I know so well... They don't seem like us. They don't seem like the people that we are now. When I look back at the story that made us "us" it doesn't seem quite real. The pieces all fit together now. In ways they didn't before. The only people who can really know what we've been through is us. Every relationship has deep and delicately latticed intricacies. Ours has just as many, the love that has always been between us has been hard to find. Love is hard. Real love, the kind where people fight through serious, real problems and make it out with their love not only intact but stronger than before, that is the kind I want. That is the kind I have. It doesn't make things perfect. We both make mistakes that drive one another crazy up the wall. I love it. Because I can look at where we've been, and know that there isn't much we can go through that could break us.
He's an infuriating bastard... But he can fix my computer when it crashes, my dishwasher when it pisses water all over the kitchen floor, and my heart when it is broken, even if he's the one who broke it. That's the kind of man I want around.
2 Comments:
Fantastic honesty Etoile-
I feel quite humbled. Have
good christmas honey!
No need to feel humbled! Everybody has their own story, their own complicated way they became who they are, my guess is that yours is far more interesting than mine! Merry Christmas to you too!
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