The air is tinted with humidity and the sky is so blue it looks false. I open the door to the car and wet heat spills out. I reach for my cigarette case and the metal burns my hand. It makes a hard clink as it drops to the ground. I pick it up and practically throw it in the car. The little latch hits something as it bounces on the passenger seat. I grab a cig out of it. I roll down the window as I light it. The smoke lingers in the car instead of fleeing out through the open window. I back out of my spot and feel anxious about driving.

I'm thinking about babies and Lithium. I'm thinking about all the tears I spilt all over my Victoria's Secret nightgown last night on the phone. I'm thinking I don't even want to talk to him my head's spinning so fast.

When he calls I pause at the caller ID. The air seems to get a little colder and the Futureheads are calling to me from Winamp (thanks again for that tip Fran) I want to watch the phone ring, and I feel suspended for a second. I close my eyes and answer. My "Hello" sounds fake, like Audrey Hepburn's accent. He asks me how I feel and I tuck my feet under my body before I answer.

It almost knocks the wind out of me I'm so certain. I say the things I've been feeling for so long. He's quiet, then there's relief between us. It's settled. My body hurts my muscles have been tense for so long.

Sometimes I wish I could do just one thing normally. Then I think how bored I'd be, and I retract the wish inside my head.