When someone close to you is dying you find out who your friends are.
Some friends don't have to ask "How are you?" all the time. They know you'll say if you want to talk.
Some friends don't care that you've become a total space-case, they're patient with you because they know you've got a lot on your mind.
Some friends make sure you laugh. Because laughing really does help.
Some friends make it clear that they are there for you, and you can tell when the time comes they'll help you get through that too.
Some friends are so awesome that if they can't get a hold of you by phone (because mainly you just want to hibernate) they'll email you funny little quips to cheer up your day. No pressure, just nice.
These are good friends.
Other friends completely stop talking to you.
Other friends seem to call so they're "in on the action."
Other friends change the subject if you talk about your dying dad.
Other friends lecture you about God and Heaven and wonder aloud why you aren't a Christian.
Other friends get huffy because you're having a hard time doing things the way you usually do.
Other friends refuse to let you be sad. YOU HAVE TO BE POSITIVE!!!! These friends have a hard time recognizing that your dad is going to die. YOU HAVE TO BE POSITIVE!!!! These are often the same friends lecturing about God and Heaven. Later, these friends will call it "God's Will" that your dad is dead.
I wouldn't name names but I have a fair handful of each kind of friend. I know it is difficult for some people to deal with death. They don't know what to say, so they either don't say anything or they say things that are really difficult to sit and listen to (the God and Heaven stuff especially) I am sorry for them. I wish they'd just say "I don't know what to say." Because that's cool, I don't know what to say and death is difficult for me too. But it's harder to know that certain friends are ignoring me, or think that because I'm not a Christian that I won't meet my dad in Heaven.
Religion seems to be a big issue for some folks right now. Don't worry about it. My dad is right with God. He has his own, very strong faith. I don't affiliate. If the same people who feel the need to evangelize right now would take a minute and LISTEN instead of just running their mouths they'd know... I won't choose to be Christian just because I'm in a crisis. That's not fair to God, Jesus or me.
Just let me deal with this, I promise to go back to normal soon.
Some friends don't have to ask "How are you?" all the time. They know you'll say if you want to talk.
Some friends don't care that you've become a total space-case, they're patient with you because they know you've got a lot on your mind.
Some friends make sure you laugh. Because laughing really does help.
Some friends make it clear that they are there for you, and you can tell when the time comes they'll help you get through that too.
Some friends are so awesome that if they can't get a hold of you by phone (because mainly you just want to hibernate) they'll email you funny little quips to cheer up your day. No pressure, just nice.
These are good friends.
Other friends completely stop talking to you.
Other friends seem to call so they're "in on the action."
Other friends change the subject if you talk about your dying dad.
Other friends lecture you about God and Heaven and wonder aloud why you aren't a Christian.
Other friends get huffy because you're having a hard time doing things the way you usually do.
Other friends refuse to let you be sad. YOU HAVE TO BE POSITIVE!!!! These friends have a hard time recognizing that your dad is going to die. YOU HAVE TO BE POSITIVE!!!! These are often the same friends lecturing about God and Heaven. Later, these friends will call it "God's Will" that your dad is dead.
I wouldn't name names but I have a fair handful of each kind of friend. I know it is difficult for some people to deal with death. They don't know what to say, so they either don't say anything or they say things that are really difficult to sit and listen to (the God and Heaven stuff especially) I am sorry for them. I wish they'd just say "I don't know what to say." Because that's cool, I don't know what to say and death is difficult for me too. But it's harder to know that certain friends are ignoring me, or think that because I'm not a Christian that I won't meet my dad in Heaven.
Religion seems to be a big issue for some folks right now. Don't worry about it. My dad is right with God. He has his own, very strong faith. I don't affiliate. If the same people who feel the need to evangelize right now would take a minute and LISTEN instead of just running their mouths they'd know... I won't choose to be Christian just because I'm in a crisis. That's not fair to God, Jesus or me.
Just let me deal with this, I promise to go back to normal soon.
5 Comments:
I'll love you even if you're never normal again.
Don't have much use for it, anyway.
By "normal" I meant my usual crazy. :)
And I always love you.
You know what kind of friend you are.
im not a friend just a ran across this blog one day accidentally and had to keep reading it-reader.
this post struck home with me.
i work on an oncology floor as a nurse and i thought after a few months i would just somehow find the right words to say to the family or the person dealing with the end of their life in sight. i thought that because i believe in God that he would somehow bring me words to speak or comfort to give.
but in the end i always just say, "i don't know what to say."
Yeah-there is nothing
to say really. Words
are not enough.
It's about feelings
and support and I'm
glad Etoile, that your
friends (for the best
part) are there for you.
My blogosphere friends are my friends too. All it takes is a few words.
I just have the priveledge of having known BQ for over 10 years, and the trust to let her read my thoughts in this space as well as know me "in real life"
I trust the rest of you in a different way.
Saying "I don't know what to say" is the best thing you can say sometimes. Forcing something out always sounds just that, forced.
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