My therapist called right before Christmas to tell me she was having "a procedure" and that she needed to cancel our appointment. Which I agreed to, and then asked her to call me when she was back to work. I haven't heard from her in over a month.

It occurred to me yesterday that something might have happened to her. She might not have made it through the "procedure" or she might have made it, but then expired in the hospital afterward. All sorts of thoughts have run through my head about what could have happened to her.

I've thought about calling several times, and probably will. However, I'm having that weird paranoia that the one person in the world who really knows my secrets will have disappeared.

Or that she has just decided that she hates me. Everybody knows that if your therapist decides that they hate you that you're screwed. Therapists aren't supposed to form opinions about whether they like or don't like you, but mine always like me. They call me "sweetie" when they see me out of their offices. They don't say this to other people my age. Or anyone for that matter. Maybe they sense that I like it. I think they like me.

Narcissistic, aren't I? Selfish too. Otherwise I'd call my therapist, fears about her disappearance be damned. But I'm too selfish with my paranoia that she's died or been kidnapped.

Yes, it's run through my mind that she's been kidnapped, and that she asked to call me to cancel the appointment, and they let her. That "procedure" was code for "being held hostage, call police" and I've totally failed her. I know this seems unlikely, but she might have guessed that I'd be paranoid enough to think this over.

I actually think she's probably just fine, and since I'm so busy I don't want to bother to call and make an appointment.

::Smile::