I feel like shit today.
Doug and I have been having one of those weeks where millions of little bickering arguments finally explode into one huge day of fighting. Then when we start to make up a little his brother calls and he just walks out of the house without saying anything. I mean, he'd said he was going to leave, I asked him not to, and then his brother calls and he just walks out. I swear, it's like he wants to fight.
He's just been pushing all the buttons that after four years of fighting and making up you'd think he'd realize don't work. I'm exhausted from crying. I'm supposed to be having a friend over tonight, and I don't want to cancel, but I hate to be the girlfriend who is crying over her problems all night. I just want to work it out between us and not involve anyone else. Then I want to have the first fun evening I've had in a while.
Ehhh, I hate this feeling. I feel like I did when we lived together before and everything was horrible. Maybe this is just how it is, maybe we shouldn't be together. I thought things were going so much better, but here it is a month into things and I've been crying off and on since 7 AM, can't get any of my work done, feel like shit and a perfectly good Friday is ruined.
Sometimes I wonder if he makes me feel bad or if I make me feel bad. It actually occurred to me this morning that I feel like I deserve for some reason to be hurt. I'm sure that's not helping things. I feel so awful about myself sometimes that I think I attract negative attention.
Ah well, if only I could stop being such a heinous bitch.... Then everything would be perfect.
Seriously though, I haven't felt so awful in a while. Maybe my therapist was right, maybe he's a sociopath with some kind of awful plan to ruin my life, just to be mean. That really would be just my luck to fall in love with a sociopath whose only goal in life is to hurt me. I swear, the people I get myself involved with....
Doug and I have been having one of those weeks where millions of little bickering arguments finally explode into one huge day of fighting. Then when we start to make up a little his brother calls and he just walks out of the house without saying anything. I mean, he'd said he was going to leave, I asked him not to, and then his brother calls and he just walks out. I swear, it's like he wants to fight.
He's just been pushing all the buttons that after four years of fighting and making up you'd think he'd realize don't work. I'm exhausted from crying. I'm supposed to be having a friend over tonight, and I don't want to cancel, but I hate to be the girlfriend who is crying over her problems all night. I just want to work it out between us and not involve anyone else. Then I want to have the first fun evening I've had in a while.
Ehhh, I hate this feeling. I feel like I did when we lived together before and everything was horrible. Maybe this is just how it is, maybe we shouldn't be together. I thought things were going so much better, but here it is a month into things and I've been crying off and on since 7 AM, can't get any of my work done, feel like shit and a perfectly good Friday is ruined.
Sometimes I wonder if he makes me feel bad or if I make me feel bad. It actually occurred to me this morning that I feel like I deserve for some reason to be hurt. I'm sure that's not helping things. I feel so awful about myself sometimes that I think I attract negative attention.
Ah well, if only I could stop being such a heinous bitch.... Then everything would be perfect.
Seriously though, I haven't felt so awful in a while. Maybe my therapist was right, maybe he's a sociopath with some kind of awful plan to ruin my life, just to be mean. That really would be just my luck to fall in love with a sociopath whose only goal in life is to hurt me. I swear, the people I get myself involved with....
3 Comments:
Try busying yourself up in the evenings with other stuff and spend less time at home with D... I think maybe yours works a bit like ours in that you've spent so long being apart its unwelcomly comfortable and when you get together for a while you start bickering. I've always said I should have been one of those women who marry and then live in my own house a few houses away from the other half!
some relationships just work better when you can have apart time. i know working & living with hubby was the most stressful time of my life. i got to the point that i hated him. unfortunately for him its still there.
For goodness sake Etoile stop being so busy with your own life and start blogging every day. Yeah, I said it.
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