I can't write right now. I am empty. I just spent the hours from 10-2:15 thinking of clever things to write papers on, and ways to make my average higher. I'm not sure why I'm even worrying so much, now that I've decided I can't go to grad school right away. I think that school leads me down this path to perfectionism. In high school it was this way. Obsession with grades, with affirmations that I was as smart as I thought I was. Now it's become worse. Now I'm not satisfied with a B. Even if I haven't studied I can get a B. I don't deserve the B. So I try to make myself deserve it. I work harder, then I realize that they'll give me A's. I don't feel that I really deserve the A's either though, they were too easy to get. I should have worked harder in high school, applied myself a little more, so I could go to a school that would challenge me. I should have done a lot of things. But I didn't, so now I'm stuck. I'm tired. It's time for a small nap. Yes, I think that's just the thing. A nap.