I'm kind of sick. I can't tell if it's my allergies or what, but I feel really awful. I spent the past two days on the couch feeling really crappy. I'm exhausted but I'm having a really tough time sleeping at night. I have to get out tomorrow. I've been holed up in here for almost two straight days now. That can't be good. I feel delirious, and I keep getting cold, then hot, then cold. Basically, I'm just whining.

No psychological analysis on how I'm upset about the breakup.

But I am. I'm really upset. Maybe it's the sleeping pill I took a few minutes ago starting to kick in, but I'm really upset. Every time I start to cry, or get angry, I push, it almost feels physical. There's this part of me that believes that if I start to get upset about this, that I'll cry forever.

Call me naive, or delusional, or whatever... I really believed that D and I were going to be together for a long, long time. I know, I saw all the same things everyone else did about him, but I saw something else too. I really thought that he loved me more. More than what I don't really know. Someplace in my head, I guess I saw this montage of weddings, houses, and hand holding 'til we were gray. I feel really stupid now. I feel stupid because, I knew; I knew all along that this wasn't quite the right thing, that I was going to end up hurt.

Now I am. If it's all the same to everyone else, I'm going to keep pretending to myself that I'm not. I'm trying so hard not to fall apart.

Maybe that's why I'm so tired.