Hey there. Apparently, my parents' house was a veritable germ stable. I caught something nasty, so it's been Gatorade and the couch for me since Monday night. I'm avoiding bed right now because the nap I took this afternoon was so full of frightening dreams that I'd just hate to go get started on them again now...
I'm a little spacey from the NyQuil, which is great stuff by the way, so sorry if I'm crazy sounding.
I've been thinking about what to blog about for a while today... It came to this...
Life hasn't been turning out the way I thought it would. When I was a kid I had this picture of Ivy League schools and being a lawyer. That's what I thought I'd do with my life, be young, rich and successful by the time I was twenty-five. Things sure look different from here. I see my parents struggling through another year, my poor Daddy still can't retire in good conscience, he's so driven to make that last big sale. My Mama is tired, and I think she genuinely needs a vacation from us all. I'm not graduated from college, and I'm certainly not in the Ivy League, where I was once so sure I belonged.
My dreams have all changed. I don't want to follow that path that my Daddy followed anymore. I don't want to be wealthy or "successful." What the hell good did it do my parents anyway? I just want to feel good about my life, and what I've done with it. I want to see the world, all of it. I want to grow old with someone that I'm friends with when the passion subsides. I want just enough money that we'll never have to be miserable. I'm not sure I ever want kids. I want to see my friends happy, and my family happier than they've been in the past.
I don't miss the things I've left behind. It's been a hard road getting here, but I still have the things I love most with me. I have my family, and BQ, my cats, and a rising GPA. I have the pictures of where I've been, and what I've done with my life. I've said some good goodbyes to people that I don't need anymore, and I appreciate them all even though they weren't good for me. I still love D, even though we can't be together right now. I still hold the hope that while we grow we do it together. When he calls me now I feel good, because I know it's because he really wants to talk to me. I don't know if he's the one. I don't really care. I know E isn't the one, and I'm glad I know.
I feel the changes in my life and I know that they are good ones. I see myself just poised at the edge of the diving board, any minute now I will execute the perfect dive. With very little splash, I'll glide off into depths I've never seen before.
...Just as soon as I stop all this damn coughing.
I'm a little spacey from the NyQuil, which is great stuff by the way, so sorry if I'm crazy sounding.
I've been thinking about what to blog about for a while today... It came to this...
Life hasn't been turning out the way I thought it would. When I was a kid I had this picture of Ivy League schools and being a lawyer. That's what I thought I'd do with my life, be young, rich and successful by the time I was twenty-five. Things sure look different from here. I see my parents struggling through another year, my poor Daddy still can't retire in good conscience, he's so driven to make that last big sale. My Mama is tired, and I think she genuinely needs a vacation from us all. I'm not graduated from college, and I'm certainly not in the Ivy League, where I was once so sure I belonged.
My dreams have all changed. I don't want to follow that path that my Daddy followed anymore. I don't want to be wealthy or "successful." What the hell good did it do my parents anyway? I just want to feel good about my life, and what I've done with it. I want to see the world, all of it. I want to grow old with someone that I'm friends with when the passion subsides. I want just enough money that we'll never have to be miserable. I'm not sure I ever want kids. I want to see my friends happy, and my family happier than they've been in the past.
I don't miss the things I've left behind. It's been a hard road getting here, but I still have the things I love most with me. I have my family, and BQ, my cats, and a rising GPA. I have the pictures of where I've been, and what I've done with my life. I've said some good goodbyes to people that I don't need anymore, and I appreciate them all even though they weren't good for me. I still love D, even though we can't be together right now. I still hold the hope that while we grow we do it together. When he calls me now I feel good, because I know it's because he really wants to talk to me. I don't know if he's the one. I don't really care. I know E isn't the one, and I'm glad I know.
I feel the changes in my life and I know that they are good ones. I see myself just poised at the edge of the diving board, any minute now I will execute the perfect dive. With very little splash, I'll glide off into depths I've never seen before.
...Just as soon as I stop all this damn coughing.
1 Comments:
Seems like you are really working your way through it. Wishing you
all the best, I know it's a cliche
and I know I've said it before to
you-but you are young and the world
is waiting for you. Go get it tiger-girl.
Post a Comment
<< Home