It isn't ending.

I haven't been depressed like this in a while. I just feel bad all the time. Other people's comments aren't helping, either. Every sharp word is just cutting me right to the heart right now. Some more than others.

I hate feeling this way.

Usually I would wake up and it would just be gone. That's usually how I am. Bad day, wake up, better day. Some days aren't as good as others, but I'm usually ok in a few days. It's just staying and staying now.

I worried myself this morning when the wish to stay in bed was so strong that I almost missed a full day of classes. I just want to crawl in someplace dark, warm and alone. I'm hurt. Things are not ok, and I just don't care. I don't care about graduating. I don't care if D is attracted to me or not. I don't care. I didn't care today if the cat was hungry. I didn't care when I was late to class. I don't care that there is homework I should be doing and am not. I. Don't. Care.

The only thing I seem to care about is how much it seems to hurt inside. I haven't cared about the things people have said, I only care that they hurt me. I don't even care that I just told D about my worry that he isn't attracted to me and he didn't care. I don't care that I walked away calmly and he just turned on the TV. It made me a little annoyed that he played on his laptop the entire conversation, never once making eye contact, but I can't say that I cared too much. This is all so typical. And I can't seem to find the energy to care.