Consider this your drunk phone call...
I went out to dinner with my Daddy tonight. He's by himself as my sister is at camp and my Mama is busy visiting relatives. We had a few beers and talked for a while. I told him a story about something D said to me last week. And Daddy says "He's a good guy sweetie." I scoffed a bit retorting "I guess." Daddy with his blunt wisdom says "Just because he can't say he's in love with you erases all the wonderful things he's done for you?" I am forced to sigh a relenting sigh. As I drove home in the rain I thought about all the times we've had...
The first time we hung out he told some guy who was following me about (and kind of scaring me) to go home, because I wasn't interested. Which was nice since the guy wasn't listening to me make the same point.
The first time he got jealous of me and E and pouted in the corner for an hour before hugging me and kissing my forehead with the comment "As long as you're happy..."
The first time I heard him call me his best friend I almost cried it meant so much.
When he first started dating someone else she was jealous of me. When they slept together for the first time she had a triumphant look on her face coming down the stairs from his room. It was shattered when she got halfway down the stairs... "Etoile?" he called... "What?" I called back... "Can you sew up this rip in my pants before we go out?" She called back to him "Oh, I can do it..." He yelled back at her "Naw... Etoile knows HOW to sew."
How every time we drive in the mountains he holds my hand when I get scared.
The time we were on the dock by the lake in Wisconsin and he kissed me till I forgot how to stand.
When my wrists were covered in blood from the cuts I insisted on inflicting upon myself, he was the one who bandaged them.
The morning after my attempt he was the one who brought me my favorite breakfast and ate it in bed with me, while I cried.
The sleepovers we used to have, drinking VSOP in bed, watching old movies on TV, making fun of the formal way people spoke to one another back in the day.
Every night we've ever spent drinking V&T's watching Sopranos, then fucking madly afterwards.
The way he sings the theme song to Enterprise with a pretend microphone till I pee my pants in laughter.
The funny dance he does to Bruce Springsteen's "Dancing in the Dark" when he's drunk.
The way he held me with tears in his eyes and said "You don't have to pretend with me." last weekend when I tried to be tough and leave before I broke down after he told me he wasn't in love. The way he choked out "You're the best thing I have." as I dissolved into hysterical tears. The way he said "I wasn't lying, you ARE the only one I want... I just am not in love. You are my best friend, my... everything... I'm so, so sorry."
The way he hugged me in bed Sunday morning, saying "See... Things are already better."
The excited way he called me from work tonight to tell me he made a fifty dollar tip on his first delivery.
The way he says "You're the one I tell everything to."
The way he tickles me because its "cute" to see me squirm.
Its these things that make it hard to let go. Impossible. He's my best friend too...
The winds of March that made my heart a dancer,
A telephone that rings,
And who's to answer?
Oh, how the ghost of you clings...
These foolish things remind me of you
I went out to dinner with my Daddy tonight. He's by himself as my sister is at camp and my Mama is busy visiting relatives. We had a few beers and talked for a while. I told him a story about something D said to me last week. And Daddy says "He's a good guy sweetie." I scoffed a bit retorting "I guess." Daddy with his blunt wisdom says "Just because he can't say he's in love with you erases all the wonderful things he's done for you?" I am forced to sigh a relenting sigh. As I drove home in the rain I thought about all the times we've had...
The first time we hung out he told some guy who was following me about (and kind of scaring me) to go home, because I wasn't interested. Which was nice since the guy wasn't listening to me make the same point.
The first time he got jealous of me and E and pouted in the corner for an hour before hugging me and kissing my forehead with the comment "As long as you're happy..."
The first time I heard him call me his best friend I almost cried it meant so much.
When he first started dating someone else she was jealous of me. When they slept together for the first time she had a triumphant look on her face coming down the stairs from his room. It was shattered when she got halfway down the stairs... "Etoile?" he called... "What?" I called back... "Can you sew up this rip in my pants before we go out?" She called back to him "Oh, I can do it..." He yelled back at her "Naw... Etoile knows HOW to sew."
How every time we drive in the mountains he holds my hand when I get scared.
The time we were on the dock by the lake in Wisconsin and he kissed me till I forgot how to stand.
When my wrists were covered in blood from the cuts I insisted on inflicting upon myself, he was the one who bandaged them.
The morning after my attempt he was the one who brought me my favorite breakfast and ate it in bed with me, while I cried.
The sleepovers we used to have, drinking VSOP in bed, watching old movies on TV, making fun of the formal way people spoke to one another back in the day.
Every night we've ever spent drinking V&T's watching Sopranos, then fucking madly afterwards.
The way he sings the theme song to Enterprise with a pretend microphone till I pee my pants in laughter.
The funny dance he does to Bruce Springsteen's "Dancing in the Dark" when he's drunk.
The way he held me with tears in his eyes and said "You don't have to pretend with me." last weekend when I tried to be tough and leave before I broke down after he told me he wasn't in love. The way he choked out "You're the best thing I have." as I dissolved into hysterical tears. The way he said "I wasn't lying, you ARE the only one I want... I just am not in love. You are my best friend, my... everything... I'm so, so sorry."
The way he hugged me in bed Sunday morning, saying "See... Things are already better."
The excited way he called me from work tonight to tell me he made a fifty dollar tip on his first delivery.
The way he says "You're the one I tell everything to."
The way he tickles me because its "cute" to see me squirm.
Its these things that make it hard to let go. Impossible. He's my best friend too...
The winds of March that made my heart a dancer,
A telephone that rings,
And who's to answer?
Oh, how the ghost of you clings...
These foolish things remind me of you
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