I woke up this morning to a large red sign hanging above the door to my bedroom, it read "Welcome to Hell, Enjoy Your Stay, Its Eternal" and I cried. I went to class and paid $3.25 to park and then class was 15 minutes long. I dropped my cig in my lap on the way home and had one of those fumbling, frantic moments where I had to drive and retrieve it at the same time. When I reached the door to my apartment I dropped my keys five times. As soon as I got inside I could see the blinky red light threatening me from the end of the hallway. I pressed the button and heard:

"Hi Etoile. Its E. I have to go to my mom's after work today to use her computer to register for classes. But I will be home after that, I'm going to call you. Please try to be available to talk....... I love you."

There are several things wrong with this message that let me know how upset and hurt he is. The first is he used my first name. It is NEVER "Etoile" its "baby" or "honey" or the ever-irritating "sugar-bumps", never "Etoile". Then there's the tone of his voice, flat and tired. He didn't sleep last night. I can tell. Thirdly, he asks me to "be available" that's his way of saying; "You drop all this shit on me without warning, and don't even have time to talk about it. Stop being a bitch."
And the tacked on "I love you" at the end says "I hope we can work this out." I listened to it three times, and am off to erase it just after I finish this. I feel so bad I want to cry. But after weeks of being the Amazing Leaking Woman, I seem to be all out of tears. Instead I'm going to take a nap and prepare for the inevitable. The next week is going to suck.