So now I'm having another idea about a trip I might take next spring/summer...
For as long as I've lived here I've wished I could live in the mountains for the summer, not in the winter, I'm not an enormous fan of cold, snowy weather. Down here it's sunny all the time. So I've thought of the possibility of renting an apartment in one of our mountain towns for the summer and writing. We'll see... Money is an issue either way.
I don't see how a relationship can function if one person in the relationship refuses to return calls and/or emails to the other person. I know it is simply D's way, and doesn't necessarily reflect his feelings for me, but it's starting not to matter. When he lived with me it wasn't a problem. But now that we're living apart again, he needs to call. Or I need to just end things. It's so hard to love him so much and feel like he just doesn't care about me. It turns me into this pathetic thing that I hate.
Remember all of Carrie's (from Sex and the City) breakdowns about Big? That's kind of what I end up feeling like... Our relationship moves at a snail's pace and most of the time he's got commitment issues so large they'd blanket Texas easily. It's unrealistic to think he'll change. People don't change unless they work at it. Since he seems to think that our problems are my fault I don't think he's going to change much more than he already has.
It's so disappointing to see things turn out this way. It seemed like everything was going really well for a time. Now, I just feel a constant ache in my chest. Literally, my lungs hurt from panicky breathing and holding my breath for too long. He makes me nervous.
I made the classic "girl" mistake. I thought that because he was willing to commit to me that it meant that he was willing to change for me. I thought I was special, which was where I went really wrong.
For as long as I've lived here I've wished I could live in the mountains for the summer, not in the winter, I'm not an enormous fan of cold, snowy weather. Down here it's sunny all the time. So I've thought of the possibility of renting an apartment in one of our mountain towns for the summer and writing. We'll see... Money is an issue either way.
I don't see how a relationship can function if one person in the relationship refuses to return calls and/or emails to the other person. I know it is simply D's way, and doesn't necessarily reflect his feelings for me, but it's starting not to matter. When he lived with me it wasn't a problem. But now that we're living apart again, he needs to call. Or I need to just end things. It's so hard to love him so much and feel like he just doesn't care about me. It turns me into this pathetic thing that I hate.
Remember all of Carrie's (from Sex and the City) breakdowns about Big? That's kind of what I end up feeling like... Our relationship moves at a snail's pace and most of the time he's got commitment issues so large they'd blanket Texas easily. It's unrealistic to think he'll change. People don't change unless they work at it. Since he seems to think that our problems are my fault I don't think he's going to change much more than he already has.
It's so disappointing to see things turn out this way. It seemed like everything was going really well for a time. Now, I just feel a constant ache in my chest. Literally, my lungs hurt from panicky breathing and holding my breath for too long. He makes me nervous.
I made the classic "girl" mistake. I thought that because he was willing to commit to me that it meant that he was willing to change for me. I thought I was special, which was where I went really wrong.
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